can I just stand up here?

"can I just stand up here?
on my place where I'm belong to"

oke, berawal dari kata2 tersebut
ad banyak pertanyaan yg mendadak muncul setelah kata2 itu terlintas di benakku
"memangnya dimana 'tempat' ku?"
"ap ad tempat yg bener2 'pas' buat aku?"
"memangnya ad tempat yg bkin aku ngrasa 'yeah, this is the place where I belong to'?" and so on lah -,-

just for a while, I think it's better for me to be like this. Close my heart to other people (especially to guys)
I'm not ready yet to feel that pain again. yeaaaah, even that this pain stiil here. in my heart. and in my soul
I hope we can still like before. Not 'before' at all. It means, I want we can still like before, we can share together. Your love still mine. And my love still yours too. And we will repair all the incident in the past

stupid dreams. hellyeaaaah!

but, am I wrong if I stiil can't let him go? Am I wrong if this feeling still strong and not change even just one bit?

Am I wrong if I love you?

tears don't fall

Haha aku kasih judul begini, bener2 ngga sesuai sm aslinya deh -,-
Aslinya juga nih air mata lg turun deres2nya zz

Hari ini (juga hari2 kemarin) aku bangun dgn keadaan sumpah kangen sm dia. Banget
Aku kangen sms nya tiap pagi yg jd suntikan semangat ku
Aku kangen kata sapaan 'pagi sayang ku :* cinta ku :* istri ku :*' itu
Yeaaah, miss him to death :'(

Entah kenapa rasanya 'makjleb' pas baca status facebook nya dia ttg cewe lain
Entah kenapa rasanya ngga adil ngliat statusnya dia dipenuhi komen2 dari cewe
Stupid me. Yeah

Entah ap yg bikin dia tiba2 malam ini mau baca blog ku
Yaampun, sungguh aku takut melukai hati nya. Aku sama sekali ngga bermaksud melukainya. Bahkan hanya setitik.
Sungguh aku ngga bermaksud :(

Dan setelah itu,
Mendadak (seperti keadaan ku skg) air mata ini menetes

Aku inget dulu slalu ad dia diwaktu aku sdg frustasi
Aku inget dulu slalu dia yg bs ngehibur aku
Aku inget dulu slalu dia yg ngehapus air mata ku
Aku inget dulu slalu dia yg nyediain pundak nya buat tempat ku menangis

Sekarang?
Cuma ad aku. Sendirian. Dengan air mata (tetep)

Yeah, I MISS OUR MEMORIES :'(

copied

copied from chichiawawaw.blogspot.com
rasa ini mungkin sama persis kayak ap yg aku rasain stelah dia pergi

I've suffered and lost like this for so long. He just walked out of my life by the most hurtful way. He left me when I had my super hard times and when no one stayed next to me. He went away and left me with tears and sadness. I was truly lost, I couldn't find what I am, who I am and where I am.

I had no one to share with, seriously. It obviously brought me into bitterness. Of course he did well, he forgot me perfectly maybe. He exists around thousands great girls. I bet I never crossed his mind even for 0.01 second. Poor me, exactly.

And then I met him, maybe that was the last time I could see his precious smile. My mind completely went wrong. I had so much thing to say but I just couldn't say to him. Like a flash back on a movie, our memories appeared one by one and yes I miss him to death. But one thing I had to realise, his smile wasn't for me anymore. Yes I'm no one. I hate the way I became a stalker. Stalking him all day. Such a pathetic. Such a tragic lovelife. But it brought me into another way. I learn a lot. I have to become stronger. And I learn that nothing, no one on this earth you can hold onto. This life is yours and God would perfectly direct you.

Well, with or without him beside me, my life goes on. My tears won't stop and won't change anything. Everything has done perfectly and I don't wannabe such a destroyer. I've done my best, I've said that I miss and truly love him. I've became one of the characters in this drama since the beginning, so I got into its consequence. I have to feel this bitterness, cause I've already felt its sweet. Damn hard.

Humans are forever humans. They've planned perfectly but god decides. I'm just the incomplete one without him, but I'll try my best to be the best as the incomplete one. If god wants us to be separated like this, what can I do? Nothing. But if god wants us to be together maybe it's just another matter of time.

For you, "the one I love the most" but also "the one who hurts me the most". For this long time, you always think you're the right one, and I always be the one who does the apologise. Actually it doesn't matter since I also realise that I'm not perfect. But please, don't ever do your hurtful way to another girls. well, you don't want me anymore. I think I'm such a poor if I still stuck on your game. So I have to go, I deserve to be happy. Not suffering like this with no point. I'm out and wish me luck.